Halloween should be canceled this year. It seems strange to even consider stepping into a night full of adults and children walking down crowded sidewalks, going door to door, collecting candy, sneezing and tempting fate.
If it's hard to get socially distant in a grocery store, it's next to impossible that night. Face covers are part of a child's costume and do not combine well with the face masks that children already wear all day in day care centers and schools.
Children, especially excited ones, cannot handle any mask so well. To double up means to take them off. And kids are far more social than adults, especially when they get sugared on October 31st and compete with their little friends for a thicker bag of goodies and then do the fidgeting and running away.
“You're coming back here in a minute, Lucas! Stop hitting ah with your candy sack. Chloe, are you going to throw up? "I don't really enjoy Halloween at the door because I misunderstand everyone's costume." Big elephant! "I say." I'm actually a mouse, "says a quiet voice.
Very few people will attach long pipes to their step railings to shoot candy out one at a time. They don't sell grabbers long enough to reach appropriately aloof children. The medical advice is that people huddled in front of candy cauldrons or the black coffins that people set up – surely, coffins are too scary in a pandemic – be packed up.
Then they are showered with candy bars, lollipops, chewing gum, sweetcorns, caramels, mints, twizzlers, fruit chews, toblerones and chocolate kisses, along with various other sugary horrors and a few apples from people who haven't heard these razor stories.
Aside from creating a miserable foundation for a healthy diet, this is an all-rounder for families and for COVID-19, the definition of a risk.
w, given the rising number of cases we're seeing, people are staying home trying to maybe bend our terrible curve a little. Why not keep up this effort to prepare for the holiday that really matters, Christmas?
Christmas is not just a day. It takes a month or two especially if you are the person – okay woman – in charge of gifts, booze, virtual cards and calls to distant relatives, crass decor, that awful music, family dinners, packaging, Christmas stockings, shopping You cheap terrible outdoor lights to replace the cheap terrible outdoor lights of 2019, visit relatives, real trees versus fake trees, find a tree stand. Just use a bucket, slide on ice and tackle the Santa Claus story.
Do the stories of Santa, plural. There are many stories that do not all match. "Where's Mrs. Claus?" "Why don't you have children?" (Yes, I'll find you guilty for the Star Christmas Fund this year. Think of children with unemployed parents! The sweet hope in their eyes! Think it over, readers, this year more than ever.)
Christmas is a snow castle, the four corners of which were planted on vember 1st and 30th and December 1st and 31st. It is a massive construction so extensive each year that people are considering changing their vague religions to one that doesn't celebrate Christmas at all.
Halloween is a shotgun hut by comparison. Why take a huge risk for two hours on an orange-black night and end just before the bigger, better and redder event with the coronavirus and its long disease tail?
Ask the children which vacation they prefer. Mention candy canes and gifts. Santa's list he is currently checking for little boys and girls with their face masks hanging down. You can find the right answer.
Or invent new holidays. vember 1st is World Vegan Day, when everyone stays home and eats succulents and soy dust. vember 12th is World Pneumonia Day, when everyone stays home and hopes not to get pneumonia. Or other respiratory diseases. vember 19th is World Toilet Day, which we celebrate all year round. Everything is to be won. We'll come up with costumes.
You can't always get what you want, Halloween in this case. What you need is Christmas, a great holiday for teaching children to be kind, generous, and theoretically good-natured.
Just say no to Halloween 2020. Do it for the kids.
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